i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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