I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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