Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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