If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
