EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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