Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
