Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
