hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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