why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
