do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
