Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
