Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
