he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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