She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
