Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize