Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
