I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
