Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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