Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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