Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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