i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
4 words: hood of his car
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize