My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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