just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
