i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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