It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
3 2 1 whiskey
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
