yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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