When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
