i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's like iHOP with fire
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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