Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
jump out the window naked night went bad
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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