Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
