i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
