i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
