best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize