don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
