3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
