That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I faked an abortion last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
