Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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