to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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