you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
