genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
