i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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