You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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