I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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