Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
