Where are you?
In a non slutty way
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
