You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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