Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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