I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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