Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
