He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i believe in u and ur pee
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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