Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
