I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize