Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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