Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
