I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
