youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
