If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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