totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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