I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
