Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
