i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize