Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
