So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize