$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
