I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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