No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
