I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
