She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
