I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
