We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we should paint friendship bongs
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