Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
