I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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