and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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