I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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