Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
