I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
