I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
