i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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