Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
