So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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