I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A+ Viking dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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