Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize