I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
