You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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