Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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