i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
