his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
