So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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