New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize