just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
