he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
