That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my being single is dangerous.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
