didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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