YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
