so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
