I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i dont even know how to be here
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
