I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
